I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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