i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's always time for handjobs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
