Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
