The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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