last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
