I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
