I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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