Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
