Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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