How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is classic penis vs brain.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
