can u get pink eye on your cock?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
