I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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