I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
