woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
