Having a random hookup so left but love u
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
