How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
