I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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