he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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