If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
