I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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