I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
