Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
