she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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