apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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