I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
