I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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