So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
