shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
