You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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