Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
