Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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