White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
