i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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