Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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