I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He did a backflip because drugs
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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