come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
