I just saw a hot homeless man
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
