I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
