I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No subtext here. People are naked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
