Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
lol hangovers are for mortals.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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