i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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