Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
