I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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