I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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