your parents love me but you hate me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
