I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
