What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
