went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
