I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
