So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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