Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
