every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
