any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
