tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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