It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My feet surprised me
Randomize
