woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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