If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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