You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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