I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
