you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
