do herpes really smell.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
