Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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