I hope mine doesn't look like that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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