Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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