I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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