Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
