I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize