in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
