i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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