No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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