Can i not drive my cunt home
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
