I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
